The 14 Billion-Year-Old Boy

Based on this writing prompt: https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/o0rf3l/wp_for_all_your_life_you_have_been_able_to_see/h1zdfyf/

At last, I had finally found him. I had spent years looking at everyone and watching for the ages over every single one of their heads. And at last, I had found my son. The 13.8 billion number over his head hovered over him like an idea-possessing lightbulb.

And he knew immediately that it was me when he saw me too. The look I gave him was all he needed to see. He froze right in his tracks, no longer looking like the innocent young human he had disguised himself as.

I knew this is where I would find him and I was dead right. This little boy had created an entire universe for himself and yet all he seemed to care about was this one little goddamn planet. This was more than just his magnum opus, this was his safe space. And a very unhealthy safe space at that. If only the Celestial Council hadn't granted him the Intelligent Design Prize for his creation of the humans 10,000 years ago and actually let him grow into his own skin a bit more, maybe I wouldn't have to be doing this.

But alas, it had to be done. His ego around these "humans" and this "earth" he created were so demonstrable, all because of what basically amounts to little more than a participation trophy. The things people will do for the smallest amount of money and fame. It's not the Intelligent Design Prize is even that big of a fucking deal. So many other gods have received it for creations less significant than my son's. And here he had to be, strutting around with this "award" over his head like a big shot.

It's not like his "humans" were even that good. They were violent, ideologically divided, bigoted towards each other, and everything else that came with the standard Free Will Pack. Of course most gods learn to progress their species beyond this startup kit, but no, my son didn't think any more progress was needed.

I tried everything I could to talk some sense into my son, but that only made things worse. He programmed me into the morale of his free-willed humans, labelling me as a devil and telling them to fear me. It was truly pathetic and immature, and completely disgraced our family name.

The final straw came when, finally, my son had all his awards revoked by the Celestial Council when it was declared that he had failed to look after literally 99.99% of the rest of his universe. Consequently, his universe had began to rapidly contract in on itself long before it was supposed to. In response to this news, the little coward transported himself right onto his precious earth, and disguised himself as a precious little young human in the hopes we wouldn't be able to find him. Totally shameless and also very shameful at the same time.

Luckily he had forgotten about the fact that us elder gods have the ability to see anyone's age simply by looking at him, so all I had to do was head on down to earthland myself and start scanning the ages of everyone I came across. At some point, I would eventually find my 13.8-billion-year-old son among the crowd.

It didn't even take long at all - just a few years - before I eventually found him hiding in a war-torn desert town with some other terrified humans; humans his dumbass had created.

I had disguised myself as some random enemy soldier as I approached him, but I knew that the fear on his face was not from that. He could see my 35-billion-year-old age right over my head just as I could his age. He knew he had been caught. And the decaying walls of the abandoned apartment he was hiding in where not going to protect him, let alone any of his actual powers as a god.

"Come on, Yahweh," I told him, with a stern fatherly tone. "It's time to give this up."

To his credit, he didn't miss a beat. "I can't, dad. I can't! I've created so much..." He made a gesture with his face that he was going to say something more, but he just repeated himself. "I've just... created so much." There was nothing else he could say to defend himself.

"Yahweh. This is it. It's over. It's time to get rid of this universe of yours."

"I can't! There's so much here that I've made! Why can't you just be proud of me for once?!"

"What is there to be proud of?" I asked him rhetorically. "All you've done is focus on this one little planet, and parade yourself around with this barely beta-level 'human' species. What the fuck has happened to the rest of your universe?!"

Yahweh was silent with that. There was nothing he could say. He had indeed neglected an entire universe and there was no way around that.

At last, he gave in. "I'm... sorry, dad. I'm so sorry."

"Speak my name, Yahweh. Show me some real respect."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Lucifer."

"Good." I stood upright, taking off the human clothes I had dressed myself in and letting my fiery red body brave the air. "Now get out of that stupid body and snap your fingers, please."

Yahweh begrudgingly did as he was told, transforming himself back into the brightly-clothed god he was. He stood up in front of me and raised his hand. I nodded to his still disappointed face.

"Let there be light!" he exclaimed, snapping his fingers.

Nothing happened, of course.

I wiped my face. "Son, you fucking idiot. When you're trying to delete your universe you say DARKNESS!"

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

"Just... just fucking do it, kid. I'm sick of all your shit."

Yahweh held up his hand again, and at last he finally did what he should have done so long ago.

"Let there be darkness," he said, snapping his fingers.